Kate: I’m afraid my anxiety may ruin my relationship
Wisdom: How do you mean?
Kate: I have this constant worry and thoughts that my partner is going to get sick of me, cheat on me, and eventually break up with me
Wisdom: Why do you have such thoughts and feelings? Have you tried to figure out the source?
Kate: I’ve been cheated on and dumped in the past and I don’t really think I’ll ever be able to trust anyone anymore. I love my boyfriend and I don’t want to lose him
Wisdom: Would you blame your current boyfriend for the way you were treated in the past?
Kate: No. it’s just that whenever I think of my experience, I become afraid of what might go wrong again in the future
Wisdom: Is your current boyfriend behaving questionably and giving you viable reasons to worry and not trust him?
Kate: No. He has a sweet personality and has told me repeatedly that he loves me and would always be there for me
Wisdom: So, why do you worry and fear? Is it because you think he isn’t good enough for you?
Kate: Not at all. He is a great, handsome, lovely, friendly and intelligent guy. In fact, he is all that I desire in a man. I love him so much and I see that we are compatible. That is the main reason why I don’t want to lose him.
Wisdom: So, do you think you are not good enough for him?
Kate: Honestly, at this juncture, I’m confused
Wisdom: Do you feel good about yourself? Do you think your partner is lucky to have you? Do you think you are a real catch? Do you think you are a quality person? Do you have self-confidence, self-love and good self-esteem?
Kate: Why all these questions?
Wisdom: If you can answer ‘yes’ to these questions, then the issue at hand is not something too difficult to solve. However, if you answered ‘no’ to any of them, then you will need to work on that aspect of your life
Kate: You mean I need to start feeling good about myself, realize that my partner is lucky to have me, believe that I am a real catch, exude quality living, self-love, self-confidence and a great self-esteem?
Wisdom: That will be a great step in helping you get rid of all the worry, fear and negative emotions that can ruin your relationship
Kate: What if after doing all these I still worry about my experience and fear something similar will happen in the future?
Wisdom: Do you know that anxiety causes fear or worry that can make you less aware of your true needs in a given moment?
Kate: How do you mean?
Wisdom: Do you know that If you’re worried about what had happened and fearful about what could happen, it’s difficult to pay attention to the present moment and the gift it should offer you?
Kate: So, what do you think I should do now?
Wisdom: I think it’s time you start living fully in the present moment.
Kate: What do you mean by that?
Wisdom: It means that your awareness is completely focussed on the here and now. You are not worrying about the past or fearful about the future.
Kate: Don’t you think the ‘living in the moment’ idea is just a cliché?
Wisdom: Why do you say that?
Kate: I believe that time is fleeting. The present moment barely exists, because, the moment you become conscious of it, it’s over. So, I basically think we cannot fully live in the present. Our recent past is a clear indication of our present situation.
Wisdom: So, how has worrying about the past changed the events that happened?
Kate: I’m not done yet. You also said I shouldn’t be fearful about the future. Do you know that what I am right now will eventually determine the future I hope to create? Isn’t that enough reason to worry about the future?
Wisdom: I get your point but I will like you at this moment to look at it from a different point of view
Kate: Go ahead!
Wisdom: I understand that you cannot completely ignore the future because it’s the place that we are all heading, but do you want your future to become a bad present?
Kate: Not at all. I want a happy future
Wisdom: I understand that you cannot completely ignore the past, but do you want your today to become a bad past?
Kate: Not at all. I want to look back on today and be proud of myself, without regrets or pain.
Wisdom: Very well then. For you to look back on today and be happy, you will need to learn from the past, take the positive and don’t allow the negative emotions to affect your current relationship. When you worry about the past, the negative emotions will not allow you to give your best in the present moment and that may eventually ruin your relationship
Kate: So, how do I handle the fear of the future
Wisdom: Let your mind be focused on whatever you are doing at any given moment in time. Live for today. Enjoy the moment and don’t let silly worries ruin your wonderful relationship. When you live in the past and worry about the future, you’ll create stress, fear and possibly disease for yourself, and it will also create external problems like conflict, scarcity, and injustice, which may eventually ruin your relationship.
Kate: Thanks for your insight. I will look through our chat again and extract all the lessons, so I can begin to live more intentionally towards creating a wonderful relationship for myself and my partner.
Wisdom: You are welcome, Kate. Before I leave I will like you to keep declaring the following affirmations to yourself. It will go a long way in helping you live joyfully in the present moment.
Kate: I chose to believe,
there is so much to me than I’ve discovered
I am marvellously wrought and creatively designed
by the Greatest Architect of the Universe.
All God’s works are admirable
and I am wonderfully wonderful, made to proclaim
God’s infinite and boundless wisdom.
custom-made to praise Him.
I choose to believe, there is so much to me
than meets the casual eyes.
I am a perfect model to be reckoned with,
special to God and special to humanity.
I choose to believe, I can be free from my past
and not be limited by it.
I am not bound by my mistakes of the past
and I choose not to be a slave of my past.
I choose to stop defining myself
by what happened in the past
and by what other people say about me.
My Heavenly Father says I am saved and renewed.
I choose to disallow the memories of my past
from stopping me and I choose to drop
whatever does not inspire me in my past.
The old life is gone; a new life burgeons!
I can be free from the past
What are you grateful? Turn your experiences into valuable lessons that might help others now and/or in the future. Read other people’s stories and Share your stories today and let it reflect your thankfulness to our Heavenly Father and your appreciation to those He used.
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